The Gardens of Grief

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 20:22:24 GMT

new years resolution....

try harder at college then i ever thought possible...
i want to be someone, so i have to work for it...

quit cig's.....

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 03:30:56 GMT

FINALS>.......not home until Wednesday night.......
Devo is already back in bend.....without me......sucks alone, other then the huge bed i now have haha..

after a month break, a nother hurtle to jum.....second simester...this time i am ready...

Strung-Out on tuesday......

FUN TIMES!

FINAL TOMOROW IN CALC.....last one.......

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 17:25:56 GMT

bend was fun
back in reno now, classes and shit..........
i have my music and tv back!
its time for business.

i need to grow up........
......i am working on it......

Well That Is That And This Is This
You Tell Me What You Want And Ill Tell You What You Get
You Get Away From Me
You Get Away From Me
Collected My Belongings And I Left The Jail
Well Thanks For The Time
I Needed To Think A Spell
I Had To Think Awhile, I Had To Think Awhile

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 10:20:59 GMT

11 hours untill departure for bend! i am so excited!

FOSS IS GROUNDED THE WEEKEND I COME BACK????
me and my shitty luck.......

<3's for foss

time to relax and get some sleep.

had a great night hanging out with Denice. a girl i met about 2 weeks ago at a kegger.
cool girl, lots of fun!

i did her dishes!

got props for that hahaha......

quite possible...but i am not chacing...

In the motions and the things that you say

It all will fall, fall right into place

As fruit drops, flesh it sags

Everything will fall right into place

When we die, some sink and some lay

But at least I don't see you float away

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 21:51:15 GMT

today was pretty relaxed then became stressfull very quickly. life changes quick, but i am ove that now, i have learned to not be upset and pissed off. there is no need to dwell on negitive events.

1 more class, and 1 more day closer to bend!

over all a good day....

And if I was Santa Claus, I'd fight for the cause
Wouldn't expect nothing in return
I'd give you everything you want, I'd be everything you need
So you can take my hand and I can take the lead

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 01:15:34 GMT

another day down, homeowrk, movies then sleep. and do it all again. on top of it all, i have to get this circuit primed (by myself) for wednesday. working model of my scale is due, i dont think it will be to hard. i talked on the phone with a lovely lady that i had really been wanting to chat with, 45 mins later. i am never on the phone that long, i hope she reads this!

YEAH!

time for some grub, homework then "fun" and sleep (by 2, i need sleep)

Now here I go again
just like before I'm going down
I try to practice what I wanna say
Like every time before
Don't bother waiting for me
cause I'll be on my way
thinking of you
It's taken me a little while to sit
and spell out everything I wanna say
But I think I'm ready to convey
You got me thinking i can change it all

Mon, 25 Oct 2004 10:38:18 GMT

so another weekend down, and i got 4 days untill i see bend again! stoked as all hell!

I see the pain within your face love
And know the struggle it takes
To give yourself is often overwhelming
And though we share love
And I feel I know you well
I cannot guess what you do not tell me
Now we can sail the sea away today
I want you navigating close to me
That's how it's supposed to be
That's what I chose to see
But my peripheral vision
I'm living blind to the fact
That if I look a little closer
It's that detail he failed to recognize
I'm checking eyes and lips
Movements to soothe it
You say your cool
But think and don't lose it
I use that to build your trust
And in the end
It'll make me the man of all men
If you're my woman
That means we're double strong
Troubles long gone from my visions
I'm feeling how you're livin'
How you livin'

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 20:31:25 GMT

fucking great night! best time i have had in a while. dudtin had fun too haha

today is saterday, lazyness and relaxation. tonite i am gonna hang with my usual crew.
wacky kids, always comming up with crazy ass ideas and getting them selves into trouble haha.

reno is a crazy place.

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 23:35:09 GMT

so here it is.

compleatly lost, but having fun.

is it worth chasing, i think so, i am waiting it out.

eventually it will turn my direction.

hey EVERYONE POST YOUR CELL NUMBERS! so i can re-add them

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 09:33:00 GMT

another week and on wednesday steve has to proove myself..
calc test and i better do good if i want to be an engineer,
followed by a 3 min oral presentation on are teams Digital-Scale.
infront of 7 PHD's. i am making a video, gonna try and make em laugh.
but other then that, normal week. feeling pretty good. got english tomorow :)
that means i get to hang with the hotty in that class, booyaa! (no chance with her)
but its still fun to try! i am tired, i got a long day tomorow, study for a test and make my video.
this is college, a crap ton of work, and alot of important things to get done all in one day, within 3 hours of eachother.
gotta love it, the presure, the work, the fun, THE BEER and most important ALL THE CUTE GIRLS I SEE, EVERYWHERE!!! hahahaha

i do love it, hard as fuck, but i do.

I had a drink the other day
Opinions were like kittens
I was giving them away and
I had a drink the other day
I had a lot to say
And I said
You will come down soon too
You will come down too soon

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 19:25:18 GMT

good fucking night....
called erin 12 millers down. and talked to a bunch of wasted kids in OSU.
fucking enjoying this alot!

( can you see me as a history teacher, or an engineer? )

i am having doubts on my major, histoy or engineering? its to hard
to decide between them? they bot intrest me tha same, and i have the ablity
to do both.

confusion???

I'd rather stay a loser And laugh at common sense Then rely on safety nets and reminisce As they struggle for mediocrity.
It has always been frustrating to try and explain

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 23:42:37 GMT

i miss my old life, i dident have a care, everything was much easyer. i miss the way things
once where, when i was with you.

brian l
jason s
alex s
casey s
blake g
nick s
richy v
arien l
erin g
amanda w
anna t
ashley t

there is too many to list, i miss you all.

I WILL BE IN BEND FOR HALOWEEN

I wish sometimes I wouldn't reminisce so much
such things, tend to make one reflect and dissect situations to an extreme
Hard now to redeem what was there before
No more gone are those days and ways have parted
Gone from feeling solid trust to outsmarted
Anyway, I'm now moving on to a distance far from yesterday
It's best this way..................

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 23:31:58 GMT

hahaha wow the El Jay still exists......

i dyed my hair dark brown, love it.
college is great.
classes suck, but its part of the expreeance.
i have been tossing the idea of changing degrees, to History major.
but that is a cop-out, i can be an engeneer, i can make that calery, i can be the future!

so i am gonna stick with it and see things as far as i can take them. wish me luck

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 05:05:49 GMT

little angelfuck
it's a shame that luck is the only thing
did you like the fun did you like the times that i promised you
won't be losing your breath little angel in red she isn't loving you anymore
little angelfuck i see you going down on a fireplug
little angelfuck size for everyone
love responsibly they are bound to believe she isn't loving you anymore
little angelfuck i see you going down on a fireplug oh, little angelfuck size for everyone
love responsibly, they are bound to believe
she isn't loving you anymore

misfits fucking rock!!!
download or buy the album "Legacy Of Brutality" best album for sure!

I got something to say
I killed your baby today
And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as it's dead

Well I got something to say
I raped your mother today
And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as she's spread

Sweet lovely death
I am waiting for your breath
Come sweet death, one last caress

Go

Sweet lovely death
I am waiting for your breath
Come sweet death, one last caress

Well, I got something to say
I killed your baby today
And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as it's dead

Sweet lovely death
I am waiting for your breath
oh sweet death...one last caress

so fucking badass!

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 01:00:40 GMT

packing for Reno.....gonna be fun!

still waiting till saterday night....(missing you)

life is good

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 04:28:33 GMT

i have till saterday! :(

reno with dustin! :)

good luck babe!

1 more day of school and i am done for this week!

................................................................................
But when I, close my eyes and get a vision of love
She's all that I see
Ghetto diamond, free from confinement
Sparks in my mind lit flames in my heart, the part that is

T.A.M.I., the only one that understand me
(All for you, it's really all for you)
Days and nights I count away, she remind me
(All for you, it's really all for you)
Of dreams and things my inspiration brings into a world so crazy
(All for you, it's really all for you)

I look in your eyes and see a woman risin
All the guys been, tryin ta get between ya thighs
And true lies they tell, what your innocence hides
They never would've never guessed, you were so wise
I feel blessed to be able to see the part of you that's more special
I remember the stress, you passed the test
Plus you never needed to fuss through the strife and toil
You taught me how to keep my head high, now my life is yours
And I apologize for the things I did to cause you pain

I SPEAK not these words in vain, my days and nights
Are spent tryin ta put my name in lights
Convinced mommy raised me right
It only makes sense that you would be the one for me
I know you been with others but you savin some for me
You ain't mine, I would never try to contain you
Let you shine, and with this I put it all on the line
I find that it's

T.A.M.I., the only one that understand me
(All for you, it's really all for you)
Days and nights I count away, she remind me
(All for you, it's really all for you)
Of dreams and things my inspiration brings into a world so crazy
(All for you, it's really all for you)

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 23:54:59 GMT

today was good...(i hope she calls after work)

.............................................................................................
He's not smart, a C student
And that's after buying his way into school
Beady eyes, and he's kinda dyslexic
Can he read? No one's really quite sure
He signs stuff and he executes people
Maybe that's why, he doesn't have any friends
Cocaine and a little drunk driving
Doesn't matter, when you're the Commander in Chief.

Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole
Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole

He's too dumb, to eat pretzels, apparently smart enough to fix an election.
Moved boldly into the White House,
but most people voted against him.
He likes naps, He really likes naptime, A couple of naps and then a nap and then he's ready for bed,
He may be from Bush decent, but he's always gonna be the unpresident.

Idiot son of an asshole
He's the idiot son of an asshole

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 04:11:18 GMT

why the hell do i even try...when i already know that nothing will come of my efforts, other then a lower sence of self-esteam..........

i cant wait to leave bend, get out of high-school and get away form all this bullshit...a new routine................

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 07:11:26 GMT

today was my big sis's birthday...she would be 21 (cheers laurel!)

tonite was good....quality time with casey, it was good to finaly get to hang with him for more then just 10mins for a c-bone date...fucked with a kid in a dodge NEON in casey's RS, not even close! it makes me want my RS sooo bad, as soon as i have about 6grand so i can drop 4g's for a down payment, and by then my parents said they would lend me the rest and i cna pay them back after colledge! so about 3 years...current bank account 1800.....should be 4000 after summer..

enough of that.....so my parents are leaving AGAIN, they trust me to much! if you wanna party call me (i am not joking, last time nobody called)

It's like a whirlwind of emotions occurs when moms and dads fight
It's like when a girl grins, an emotion of hers
That holds your arm, and grabs tight
Hurl him into the ocean, one of them cold sweat heat flash types
With extreme fluctuations and temperature changes
Have been known to crack pipes...

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 22:56:12 GMT

day after my birthday....shitty day!

so i got my car back (820 bucks), the cd player is broke (i dont feel like getting it fixed. just be MORE money) and i need to get a new front tire (yet more money)
i have given up hope on that pile of shit....

i need to take a nap..for a long time, today has been very tireing!

FUCK TODAY!

i want to go to a place where i cant be found!

c-bone asap!

Fri, 02 Apr 2004 01:52:56 GMT

almost friday........so excited!!!!

my car......800 bucks to fix!!!!! so i am pretty pissed....

my b-day is sooo close!!

thats all

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 01:52:52 GMT

so another day down....and i am pissed off!
i always get in these stupid arguments with my parents over little things
they talk to me as if i am 6, they explane the ovbious as if i wasent aware of them,
its bullshit.......

Sun, 28 Mar 2004 17:38:52 GMT

spring break has been alot of fun! had a few parties! but its soon time to go back to school :(
today is sunday, i am pretty sure i am calling in sick to work today so i can clean my house! parents come home tomorow. so call me today if you wanna hang, i will just be cleaning and doing laundry...

SPRING BREAK UPDATE!!

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 09:53:50 GMT

SPRING BREAK UPDATE:
5 stars!!!
I DONT THINK I COULD HAVE ASKED FOR ANYTHING BETTER!
SOOOOO MUCH FUN...AND THE FUN ISENT STOPPINNG!! :)
AND NOW THAT ERIN IS BACK, THE PARTY BEGINS!
THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO SAW ME OVER THE PAST FEW NIGHTS, ITS BEEN FUN!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tonite was pretty god damn fun! started out with casey making me pancakes in the morning, followed by muisc/rolling/SUPER/X-BOX/Old School. then i went and gbot my Invislighn crap.....i hate it.. its no better then braces!! (you have to see to experience th9is crap so come see me tomorow if you want the rest on thet story) then i chilled with the following jessi/kellen/zac/jason/brain/BRIAN/jerremy/rich/bradey/BLAKE/CASEY/JAKE/cody/mike/james/gram..and that about it!......now i am pretty "fucked up" so i am gonna bump some beats and pass out! :)

peace

I'm trying to break this writer's cramp, massage my hand and daydream
Out the window innuendo, watch the water find it's path down the glass
It seems, erratic direction, it's only perfection
Rest my head inside my hands, pace back and forth inside my mind
I wish sometimes I wouldn't reminisce so much
such things, tend to make one reflect and dissect situations to an extreme
Hard now to redeem what was there before
No more gone are those days and ways have parted
Gone from feeling solid trust to outsmarted
Anyway, I'm now moving on to a distance far from yesterday
It's best this way
I feel as though I've missed this moment of truth
Outcome uneventfull. I've lost the ability to feel sentimental
I can stare at a puddle and see a million places I love
It's comforting thoughts of places I've been, places I will never see again
Send my love to all who were there, wishing I could crawl back in
But I've transformed and the pieces wouldn't fit, so the sorenecks will cease
Eyes searching to the sky to try to find some form of peace
And I keep pulling up blanks, yet I'm wearing this mask for the sake of others
We all miss things I suppose, we must let go, well I'm not ready
Just let me sit in silence and soak in what's trailing down the window
to cleanse my emotions, to begin the process of preparing myself

Intake ambiance a tool for meditation
Progressing towards the clouds with at whom I am complete
Defeat the chains that restrain an eager sensation
Equal balance in and out, all inhibitions shall deplete

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 07:40:09 GMT

i think i need to take a good look in the mirror and question my actions
to see if they are the ones that are right for me...

Some things never, change, rea-range
me a, strange on another plane
Constant, motion coastin no gears
Show no fear, float....